The Queen of the Tearling (QotT) almost got DNF’d in the first fifty pages. A perusing of comments on Goodreads (a bad habit I’ve picked up when struggling with a book) revealed many readers calling the MC a Mary Sue. I’m not a fan of this term, though many aspects of the MC fit the general Wikipedia page. However, the more pressing issue, to boil down some of the negative Goodreads comments, is a lack of character motivation.
The basic setup, for those who haven’t read QotT, is that the MC, Kelsea Glynn, is the crown princess. To protect Kelsea from political assassination, her Queen Mother sent her as a baby to live in a remote cottage with a husband and wife who raised and educated her. On her nineteenth birthday (Ascension Day), guards arrive to escort her to the Keep. We learn all this in the first five pages, and then it takes the following hundred pages for Kelsea to reach the Keep, with a small interlude at the beginning of Chapter 2 to visit the Red Queen (i.e., the antagonist).
Journey of a hundred pages
The paperback copy is 434 pages long, so roughly a fourth of the book is Kelsea traveling from her childhood cottage to the Keep. During the journey, she recounts historical facts, relays memories of growing up, and faces capture by a robin hood stand-in called the Fetch. However, from even the starting page, the author tells the reader Kelsea will ascend the throne. As to her upbringing, in a dialogue with one of the guards, she asks:
“Why did they bring me a mare when you all ride stallions.”
Johansen, Erika. The Queen of the Tearling. Harper Collins, 8 July 2014.
“We didn’t know if you’d be able to ride, Lady,” he replied, and this time there was no mistaking the monkey in his voice. “We didn’t know if you could control a stallion.”
Kelsea narrowed her eyes. “What the hell did you think I was doing out there in the woods all these years?”
This brief exchange highlights she’s been studying her whole life to fulfill the duties of a monarch. And yet, there is no indication of Kelsea’s motivation for accepting the challenge of ruling other than it being her birthright. As such, she isn’t an active protagonist for the novel’s first hundred pages, meaning the plot happens to Kelsea instead of emanating from her.
K.M. Wieland states in Creating Character Arcs: “The character drives the plot, and the plot molds the character’s arc. They cannot work independently.” Since the MC should drive the plot, then the journey’s page count reveals the underlying issue: no internal motivation propels Kelsea to the Keep. For all of the discussions (both internal and with the guards) of her preparation in exile, other than the imposed plot detail that ruling is her duty, there is no internal motivation for her wanting/needing to ascend. And the plot device of her exile prevents any interaction with the politics/people/region (other than reading about them), which robs Kelsea of any meaningful connection to the kingdom’s people.
Objects at rest
As Kelsea lacks motivation for the journey to the Keep, the reader might expect the trip’s events to unveil a deeper motivation or assume Kelsea’s proper plot driving comes at the Keep. If the latter were true, this journey might take only ten pages to provide some essential background/history, reveal a little of Kelsea’s character, and then arrive at the Keep for the story to begin. But that’s not the case. The journey goes on and on, making the reader question why, from a narrative standpoint, it is taking so long to reach the Keep? What is the audience supposed to learn from this journey?
These are questions I still cannot answer with satisfaction. For all the narrative space consumed, Kelsea doesn’t either grow or have any character flaws introduced. Other than her penchant for mentioning how plain she knows she is (this aspect feels like a complete rebuttal to the idea of a Mary Sue. She can’t be a Mary Sue because she isn’t beautiful). And without external pressure driving the plot forward, i.e., no ticking clock to create narrative tension for the consequences of taking too long, the section bogs down.
At least Kelsea reaches the Keep (something I thought may not happen, which in a way would have been more befitting for how the book started), and a lengthy scene plays out where she discovers how her Mother kept peace with the Red Queen: by sending her monthly shipments of Tearling citizens destined for slavery. Without prior knowledge, Kelsea watches in horror as cages are loaded with children with families ripped apart. She immediately declares this shall not stand and breaks the covenant with the Red Queen. A lack of character motivation again undermines this dramatic turn of events.
Make it personal
Yes, slavery is evil. Yes, Kelsea freeing people destined for slavery is a good thing. But nothing in the build-up to this scene helps to establish why this is impactful to Kelsea. Her Mother is the one who instituted this contract with the Red Queen. If Kelsea knew this from the start of the book, it would help to establish any one of numerous motivations, like the guilt surrounding being the daughter of someone who could do this. By acknowledging this deal with the devil earlier on, the author could establish a want within Kelsea to be a better ruler than her Mother. To prevent war and ensure her citizens do not live in fear of the lottery. It makes it personal to Kelsea, which is crucial for the plot.
Furthermore, this bold decision comes out of nowhere. The long journey to the Keep was the perfect time to establish Kelseas’s habit of rushing in head first. Use the pages to show how she has a lot of knowledge but allows her temper to get in the way. A little cliche but perfectly acceptable. It could have been Kelsea’s character flaw, and even though she rushes in to save people (which is good), this time, she’s putting everyone in her kingdom in danger (which is terrible). But without the proper setup, her heroic act falls flat because other than the slavery is bad sentiment (and it is, don’t get me wrong) the audience doesn’t know why this is triumphant for Kelsea. What does this decision mean for her? How does it inform our understanding of her character and motivations? The simple answer is: it doesn’t.
Not enough momentum
Ultimately, QotT doesn’t have a successful narrative due to the MC’s lack of motivation. As a reader, we want to know, at least in a vague sense, why a character makes the choices they do and are willing to suffer the consequences of these choices. Any character enters a book with a lifetime of memories that inform their worldview and inform the actions they take to move the plot forward. From the start, Kelsea’s homeschooled childhood and lacking backstory hinder her from immersing in the narrative and actively driving it forward.